smackinmyhead

passage to mom

2010-07-23T17:22:00.000-07:00

Sweetness the crimsom color swrils
The black plunger moves foward.
30 seconds and my rose glasses are back on
No more sorrow,no pity for this world
Were all vegeatarians. No blood except
for the little that was spilled fixin myself

Whys it have to be this way?
The pain I cover you helped create
And now all I want to do mother is sit here
and nod.
How can I feel this pain when you dont
feel it

2010-07-23T10:22:00.000-07:00

Smackinmyhead Its not just that smack
is my drug of choice its the fact that I am allways
smacking my head against something
physcial or mental wham
right up side the old head

2010-07-23T10:05:00.000-07:00

So last night was a ringer. Tears, alcohol.

This bum fuck blues that come with detoxing.

Was in the tub and for some reason the thing I was

thinking about was my grandmas breaded pork chops

Lakefont New Orleans 1970

We were all there my whole family

I think we would have all commited sucide

Had we knew it would come to this

Some bum fuck East coast prep school 1982

Frank was my man. So cool and the fact that

we were from the same neighborhood.

made us insta buddys but it was a bonus that he was cool

One night we slept in the same bed

It wasnt anything sexual.

we were just lonley and were having a sleep over

The athuroties found us sleeping the next morning

frank had to go

1989 Lakefont New Orleans

I was hidding out in the boat

I remember my brothers voice

Grandmas dead He said she had killed herself
I withdaw a little more

Its not your fault

2010-04-02T22:51:00.000-07:00

As I read the last post. I cry, like I did when I was a kid I want my dad. He is gone was dead befor 1976 forever screwin up christmas for me .It wasnt his fault people dont chose when to die. It just happens. Now I lay me down to sleep. Pray the lord my soul he will keep.

Dreams

2010-04-02T21:33:00.000-07:00

Its 1972 Kanas City M.O

The soft breaze of smmer is blowin the singlr thread cottin curtian back and forth. Like a heartbeat. Its cool layin in bed. Im in the third grade.Kids are playin out in he streets. I want to stay inside.Its safe in here. I wish that moment would last for ever

snap back to 1996 Im sick my stomic hurts,cold one second hot the next,uuuuuuuuggggggghhhh the sound I make as I dry heave. Fuck me why did I do this to myself ? Tears roll down my cheeks. I cry Im supposed to be someones baby, but I not

Christmas 1975

There fighting, upstairs. Its not supposed to be this way. Not in the in house the big one. Things were supposed to be different here. My dad had his own room for his gutiars. My room had the special cubby hole. All I hear is my mom screaming and my dad cryin. Im sitting by the christmas tree. My dad comes down and neals befor me I got to leave buddy. Hes cryin and I start to cry. " I want to be with you" " I know buddy me too" he says I'll be back here" he hands me a gift I un rap it. its a small cassette player. "You can use it when we go to the cave"

I didnt know that I would never see him or the recording studio agian. all I knew back then was I wanted my dad just like I do today